


of hurricanes and other natural disasters

by assholevengers (viktorcreed)



Category: Iron Man - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, The Incredible Hulk - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Alternate Universe - High School, Bryce Banner, Childhood Trauma, Cognitive Dissonance, Dissociation, F/F, F/M, Female Bruce Banner, Gender Identity, Gender Related, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Genderfluid Character, Identity Issues, M/M, Multi, Past Child Abuse, Self-Harm, Violent Thoughts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-27
Updated: 2016-09-08
Packaged: 2018-08-11 07:06:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,544
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7881334
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/viktorcreed/pseuds/assholevengers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony and Bruce try to navigate the intricacies of high school, gender issues, sexuality, and mental health. The kids are decidedly not alright.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This has been rolling around in my head for a while and I just needed to finally get it out of my head and start working on it. This fic deals with a lot of complicated themes, there will be a lot of angst, and violent imagery. Thought patterns will occasionally appear jumbled and hard to follow this is done intentionally, feel free to ask about anything that confuses you I love talking about these guys. For the purposes of clarity Bruce/Bryce is biologically female however they identifies as gender fluid even if they don't know/understand it yet. I'll post the next chapter as soon as I can.

It’s odd being inside her head. His head? Hers. Theirs. _His_. Right now he feels like Bruce, sometimes she feels like Bryce, and other times they feel like something else entirely. Like the rage boiling just beneath their skin is ready to erupt and become something vicious. On those days Bruce resigns to hide himself away from the world and hope for the best.

He doesn’t particularly want to talk to the school counselor, he doesn’t think it’s necessary. He knows what’s wrong with him and he knows it’s wrong to hurt people. But sometimes he can’t help it, sometimes he is his father’s son.

Plus, he hates the way the women in the office look at him, like he’s something pitiable. He isn’t stupid, he knows they talk about him. His tragic past, all the awful ugliness that happened with his parents. He wants to yell at them, he should yell at them. That awful ugliness isn’t just something that happened to him it’s a part of him, some days it’s the only part that matters.

Bruce has been living with his aunt and cousin for seven and a half years now and for the most part it’s not so bad. He loves his cousin; she is the most important person in the world to him. She never looks at him with pity and never lets him get away with a damn thing. Jennifer is pretty in a way that Bruce will never be, least of all when he is feeling more like Bryce.

Bruce also really respects his aunt; he doesn’t mean to cause her so much trouble. The woman works so hard to provide for him and Jennifer the last thing she needs to worry about is Bruce getting into fights, being kicked out of school, and needing therapy. Even if Bruce wasn’t really Bruce or even Bryce when they did these things.

It’s weird and complicated, he’s a freak. He knows it, has always known it, his father never let him forget. Her father never let her forget. Their father. _It’s_ father.

Bruce feels another irrational wave of anger washing through his body, it makes his chest ache and he snaps one of the rubber bands on his wrist harshly, the bright pang of pain blossoming through his wrist is only just enough to bring him back to himself.

He knows that this is wrong and he doesn’t need some stupid counselor to tell him so. Hurting yourself is bad because everyone is special and no one deserves to be hurt and the sheer stupidity of that sentiment (because some people, like Bryce, were born rotten –were monsters and not actual people and certainly not special) that just thinking about it makes that hot wave of anger rear its ugly head again.

“Maria, you’re looking absolutely radiant this afternoon.”

The sudden appearance of Bruce’s fellow classmate, Tony Stark, is enough to grasp his attention. He isn’t sure whether or not he likes Tony, because thinking about how much Tony has and how little he has in comparison pisses him off. Bruce tries very hard not to get angry. Bad things happen when he got angry.

“No, Tony.” Maria says immediately, woefully unimpressed. Tony, however, either doesn’t notice or doesn’t care because he is still grinning that stupid ‘I-get-Whatever-I-want-because-my-dad-can-afford-to-pay-for-it’ grin. Bruce is struck by the vivid image of himself slamming Tony’s face so hard into the office desk in front of him that his teeth crack with the force of it. Blood is gushing down his nose and from his bottom lip where his top row of teeth has punctured clean through and—

Bruce blinks and makes an honest effort to come back to himself.

Tony, as if sensing Bruce’s very thoughts, turns to him and fucking winks with that same damn grin plastered on his stupid face.

In that moment Bruce hates him, absolutely despises Tony with every fiber of his being. He wants nothing more than to lunch himself at the self-entitled prick and grab a hold of Tony’s throat digging his nails into his trachea. It wants to smash Tony’s face in and break his bones. It wants to snarl and roar and—

“Ah, Bryce, right on time.” Coulson, the school counselor, greets breezily as he steps out of his office. It’s enough to cut through the thick haze of rage that Bruce’s brain is muddled with. He blinks a few times refocusing his vision that had gone blurry moments ago.

Bruce offers no greeting or acknowledgment in turn, instead he simply gathers his backpack and stomps passed Tony (who is still arguing with Ms. Hill completely oblivious to the things roiling in Bruce’s mind) and into Coulson’s office.

\--

“And how are we feeling today?” Coulson asks closing the door behind him and making his way over to his desk.

_Like shit._ Bruce doesn’t say. He smiles pleasantly, or at least his approximation of pleasantly, and says ‘Just fine, sir.’ instead. Coulson looks at him with a light smile as if he doesn’t believe a word Bruce is saying.

“Is that so?” Coulson asks and for a moment Bruce forgets himself completely and fists his hand so tight crescent shaped welts spring up in his palm beneath his nails. He makes an effort to relax his hands as the counselor silently tracks the movement and Bruce hates himself all over again.

“Of course, sir.” Bruce says refusing to give up this charade.

Coulson _hmms_ thoughtfully tilting his head ever so slightly and for some reason that annoys Bruce enough to make him snort.

“Is something the matter?”

“Nothing, sir, everything is absolutely _peachy_.” Bruce finds himself saying, there’s a hard edge to his voice and he crosses his arms defensively.

“That’s good.” Coulson sighs with a soft smile. “I like peaches, you know, I’ve been experimenting with my peach cobbler recipe for years now. Its award winning.”

The innocuous statement is enough to make Bruce want to tear his hair out.

“That’s nice, sir.” Bruce says pleasantly with a smile of his own.

“Bryce, you’re bleeding.” Coulson says quietly and Bruce blinks releasing his hand slowly from the fist he had unknowingly formed. He stares at his own hand feeling disassociated like it must belong to someone else because he can see the blood but can’t feel the accompanying pain. It reminds him vaguely of how he got into this mess in the first place.

In his last school, when he had been whaling on the boy that broke Jennifer’s heart, it had taken three different people to get Bruce off of him. He wouldn’t feel the pain of his broken knuckle until hours later.

“Oh.” Bruce says softly, disjointedly, because he knows this will mean another weak of therapy.

“You’ll have to see the school nurse.” Coulson tells Bruce even though it’s such an obvious thing it doesn’t actually need to be said. “Tell you what, if you can say one honest thing to me then we’ll end the session early and you’re free to go.” The counselor doesn’t tell Bruce that he’s expected to show up again because it’s a given at this point.

Bruce blinks at Coulson refocusing his vision, he still feels oddly out of place. As if he were having an outer body experience. He doesn’t remember when his brain decided to answer and he feels more than hears his reply of ‘I fucking hate peaches.’ But it’s enough that Coulson allows him to go and Bruce doesn’t look twice before he leaves tension thrumming just beneath the surface.

Now Bruce feels more like Bryce, and Bryce is ready for a fight.


	2. Chapter 2

_Now Bruce feels more like Bryce, and Bryce is ready for a fight._

 

 

\---

When Bryce is four years old her mother hums the soft tune of a lullaby and tries to drown her in the bath. She doesn’t understand at first, and won’t until years after the fact, instinct keeps her mouth shut violently fighting against the urge to breathe in. She can’t feel anything beyond the ache in her chest, and when her mother finally drags her back out again, sobbing and whispering half apologizes into Bryce’s wet hair, Bryce still remembers just how sad and scared her mother looked.

She forgives her mother instantly, because she’s four and she hates to see her mother cry. Bryce doesn’t understand that she nearly died but a few short years later when she’s faced with the sight of her mother’s corpse, Bryce can’t help but think that maybe everything would have been better if she had just breathed in that day.

Beyond that incident Bryce’s mother never laid a hand against her again, never did anything but love her unconditionally. Even in the face of her father’s unmitigated hatred. Bryce thinks, even now at seventeen, this was a mistake. If Bryce’s mother was a smarter woman than she would have finished the job when she had the chance, then at least she would still be alive.

Sometimes Bryce hates her mother even more than she hates her father.

Bryce shakes her head sharply to expel the memories, it’s pointless to dwell on them. Things were the way they were and no amount of wishful thinking was going to change that. Only action could, although if Jennifer were here she would have sighed prettily (with her long dark curls framing her face, full lips and perfect pixie nose Jennifer did everything prettily –unlike Bryce who had a short messy bob, thin lips, pasty skin and wide shoulders) and pointed out that the type of action Bryce was looking for would be counterproductive to say the least.

On a good day, which are few and far between for Bryce, the thought of her cousin’s disappointment would have been enough to help quell her anger. But in the face of the rage boiling away in her chest Jennifer’s disappointment is ill matched.

Bryce is skinny and full of sharp angles with a slightly below average stature. She wears large unflattering glasses and is so unassuming that no one can see the monster lurking just beneath her skin. It snarls and gnashes in the hollow spaces of her chest as she stomps across the nearly deserted football field.

The fastest route to her car (it’s crappy and bright purple but she and Betty and Jennifer spent weeks putting it together two summers ago, well, Bryce had put it together while Jennifer and Betty –these days Bryce tries hard not to think about Betty) is just beyond the bleachers however Bryce barely goes this way because it’s usually infested with her “peers”.

Bryce finds it hard to call the people in this school her peers when she is so much smarter than them. And she isn’t being egotistical either because Bryce doesn’t have the self-esteem for narcissism.

Right now the only person out on the field besides Bryce is Tony. He’s smoking something, weed most likely, and Bryce doesn’t think twice as she shoves passed him. Her shoulder connects hard with Tony’s back and the force of the impact is strong as it vibrates through her, settling an ache in her bones she wasn’t aware of.

“What the fuck?” Tony hisses joint clutched between is fingers. He whirls around gracefully, in a way that Bryce could never recreate if she had a million years, and frowns at her looking partly annoyed but mostly shocked. Nobody hassled Tony because he was Tony Stark son of Howard Stark and possibly the richest kid in the world or at the very least in this school.

“Can I help you?” Bryce practically spits through the thin line of her teeth. She wants Tony to hit her so she’ll have an excuses to dig her thumb into his eye socket.

“You-” Tony stops takes a hit of the joint squinting at her for several long seconds before releasing the smoke a few inches away from Bryce’s face. (When had she stepped this close to him?) “Most girls find me charming.” He says finally and Bryce frowns.

It’s true, Tony has a reputation and if even a fraction of the rumors Bryce has heard about him are true, she wouldn’t be surprised if she was the only girl in school Tony hadn’t had sex with yet.

_(Yet? As if there existed a universe where Tony would pursue her sexually. What would that even look like? What would it feel like? Would she be Bryce, or Bruce? Would Tony whisper sweet nothings in her ear as he delicately took her apart? Would Bruce fuck into him hard and fast with Tony’s legs wrapped tight around his hips as they—)_

“Well I find you insufferable.”

“Then you should meet my dad it sounds like the two of you have a lot in common.”

That actually throws Bryce off a little because Tony doesn’t say it good naturedly, sure he’s smirking like he hasn’t a care in the world, but the words sound harsh and biting. She’s struck by just how close to home that offhanded comment lands.

“We have physics together.” Tony says when its apparent Bryce isn’t going to say anything. And it’s true they both have AP Physics and AP Calculus together. “You sit in the back and you never raise your hand, but I’ve seen your stuff. It’s good stuff.”

Bryce just blinks and doesn’t bother asking how he got his hands on her work when she only ever shares her assignments with the teacher.

“I’m surprised you could follow any of it.” She says instead, and she isn’t trying to be mean. Bryce isn’t angry anymore, or at least it isn’t all consuming, now she’s curious. Tony is not what she expected.

She had come looking for a fight, looking for an excuse to lay someone out and just not think about all of the things that had gone so wrong in her life. But somehow Tony had taken all of her rage and turned it back on himself as something far less corrosive.

Tony shrugs offering Bryce a lopsided smirk before diving into an animated discussion about electromagnetism.

Bryce looks at him with something resembling awe. She can’t believe she ever wanted to break Tony with her bare hands.

Later, much later, Bryce will look back on this moment and wonder if this is when her life finally started to go right or even more horribly wrong.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Later, much later, Bryce will look back on this moment and wonder if this is when her life finally started to go right or even more horribly wrong.

 

“Bryce, a friend from school is asking for you?”

His aunt sounds confused and honestly Bruce doesn’t blame her. The last time Bruce had a friend from school it was Betty and the scars that left behind still itch uncomfortably beneath his skin. When they’re ready they like to weep and bleed too.

He’s just about to tell her that he doesn’t’ have any friends, because it’s true, but the hope burning bright in her eyes stills his tongue and instead he just shrugs.

“Who is it?” Bruce asks instead because he honestly can’t think of a single person it could be.

“Who else?” Tony scoffs his voice floating in to his room from somewhere behind the door and Bruce’s aunt.

Bruce absolutely should not be surprised and yet…

It’s been a few weeks since Tony has inserted himself into Bruce’s life, inserted because Bruce never seeks Tony out, never calls him or responds to his texts. Not that any of that bothers Tony, he still follows Bruce around when he catches sight of him in school, has started sitting beside Bruce in class too, and at lunch Tony always manages to find him and wax poetic about theoretical physics.

It’s not as if Bruce has tried to be particularly discouraging of this, except for the fact that he completely ignores Tony’s entire existence outside of school and really only talks to him if it’s about science, but he certainly hasn’t tried to be accommodating either.

Still, somehow, Tony manages to worm his way into Bruce’s life.

He sighs long and heavy feeling burdened with the weight of his existence, and Tony’s presence.

“It’s okay, Aunt Elaine, you can let him in.” Bruce says his voice just slightly deeper than his normal register. It’s his preferred Bruce tone and one of the very few changes he allows himself during these times.

“Okay, I’ll just go get you kids some snacks.” His Aunt calls as she steps away and Tony pushes himself into Bruce’s room.

“So, this is where you live. Huh, I thought it’d be more…” Tony trails off as he takes the room in with its bare walls and simple furnishings. The closest thing to decor Bruce bothered with was a whiteboard that also doubled as a cork board on the opposite side. “well, more.”

“I’m not even going to ask how you found my address.” Bruce says dully without looking up from his computer. Tony doesn’t seem particularly bothered by his disinterest, instead he’s poking about Bruce’s room, going through his drawers and closet.

“What are you even doing here?” Bruce asks after several minutes of silence curiosity finally getting to him.

“It’s Saturday, we’re supposed to see a movie remember?”

Bruce doesn’t at all actually, he isn’t even aware of what movies are out at the moment. He normally only goes to the movies once a month with Jennifer and his aunt.

“We made plans on Thursday to go see MacGyver today.”

No, they didn’t. Tony mentioned that it was premiering that Friday and Bruce had stared blankly at him until he changed the subject.

“I’m not going to see MacGyver with you Tony.” Bruce says flatly, because he isn’t but Tony doesn’t’ seem to be getting that message.

“Fine we can see something else. What do you want to see?”

Bruce is about to decline Tony with an appropriately cutting remark when before he even gets the chance Tony let’s out a loud horrified gasp.

“Oh my God.” He breathes and Bruce is tempted to look up from the monitor to see what had gotten Tony’s attention but he stubbornly keeps his eyes glued to the screen.

“No. No. No. No. _No_.” Tony hisses through clenched teeth and Bruce swivels around begrudgingly and is greeted by the sight of Tony, trembling and slightly green in the face, clutching Bruce’s CD player. “Tell me you don’t still use this.”

Bruce shrugs in answer because yes he did still use it. He buys a bunch of blank CDs and just burns whatever he wants to listen to them on. He’s been doing it since he was twelve and doesn’t bother updating to an iPad or an mp3 because his CD player still works just fine.

“But its 2016!” Tony hisses at him and Bruce shrugs again smirking.

There is a certain appeal to disturbing Tony so much he looks physically ill.

Bruce wants to press a nail against Tony’s soft cheek and draw blood. He wants to puncture Tony’s pretty skin and leave scars behind in his wake.

The thought is heavy and sits in his gut like a stone. Bruce feels unsettled by it in a way his intrusive thoughts don’t normally make him feel. After all you can’t control what you think about so there was no point in feeling guilty over such things.

But Bruce does feel at least a little guilty.

“What time does this movie start?” Bruce asks and Tony, who inhales sharply in surprise, grins at Bruce. Wide and genuine and so God damn beautiful Bruce suddenly feels like Bryce.

There are many conflicting feelings raging in Bryce’s head just then. Because Tony is so beautiful when he smiles and it makes her want to kiss him and break his teeth at the same time.

“Why, Bryce, you wouldn’t happen to be falling in love with me, would you?” Tony asks coolly, his default smug smirk firmly back in place. “I knew you would succumb to my charms eventually.”

“I changed my mind.” Bryce says giving Tony a nasty look.

“No, wait, I was just joking.” Tony whines. “Come on, it doesn’t start until three and its only eleven now. We have time to get lunch.” Tony grabs her hand to pull Bryce out of her chair.

Bryce just reacts, lashing out on instinct connecting with the side of Tony’s face leaving two long red gashes in her wake. She gnashes her teeth at him and squares her shoulder ready for a fight.

“Whoa! Jesus! Chill!” Tony rushes to step back so fast he trips over his own feet landing on his ass with a dull thud clutching his cheek.

Bryce’s breath is coming in shallow and she has to make an effort just to breathe in deeply again.

“No touching. Got it.” Tony gets up slowly holding his hands up in as non-threatening a manner as he can. It’s just barely enough to get Bryce to relax her shoulders. His shoulders?

Hers?

Theirs?

His?

“We have to leave now if you still want to get lunch before.”

Bruce furrows his brow in surprise. He hadn’t thought Tony would be willing to stick around after seeing this side of him, if even only just for a brief moment. After all Betty hadn’t.

“Lead the way.” Bruce finally says after a long tense silence and is offered yet another delighted and genuine grin for his trouble.

It’s totally worth it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unbetaed, all mistakes are my own. @viktorcreed on tumblr.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “We have to leave now if you still want to get lunch before.”
> 
> Bruce furrows his brow in surprise. He hadn’t thought Tony would be willing to stick around after seeing this side of him, if even only just for a brief moment. After all Betty hadn’t.
> 
> “Lead the way.” Bruce finally says after a long tense silence and is offered yet another delighted and genuine grin for his trouble.
> 
> It’s totally worth it.

They sit pressed against each other, shoulders and knees touching so firmly that it cannot be dismissed as a simple accident.

It should feel uncomfortable.

It doesn’t.

Tony’s fingers tap along to the beat of the song blasting through Bruce’s headphones. Its loud enough that they don’t really need to share the earbuds but they do anyway.

The setting sun’s rays are warm against their skin but there’s a soft breeze rolling in so the heat doesn’t become unbearable. The two of them are squished together in a beat up old car in the junkyard listening to Bruce’s CD player. Everything feels easy and just right.

This should annoy Bruce.

It doesn’t.

Somehow Tony has managed to spend the entire day with Bruce, and beyond the scratches that mar his otherwise perfect cheek, he is still all in one piece. It’s unprecedented because Bruce doesn’t have friends.

There’s a beast lurking just beneath the meat of his flesh, friends are a luxury that a thing like Bruce doesn’t deserve. Tony’s cheek is proof of this.

“I’m sorry.” Bruce mumbles when the song ends and Tony shifts slightly to look at him. The movement brushes the skin of Bruce’s neck against the skin of Tony’s shoulder and if that causes goosebumps to raise Bruce’s skin well then he can just blame that on the rapidly approaching cool night air.

“About your face.” He adds when Tony just stares at him silently.

“I’ve had worse.” Tony replies smoothly offering Bruce a wicked grin. “Besides I’m used to girls scratching me up, although it’s usually almost exclusively on my back.” He waggles his eyebrows suggestively but Bruce just sneers at him wanting nothing more than to get a good grip on Tony’s perfect fucking hair and rip his scalp apart.

Instead Bruce snarls, “I’m not a girl.”

Because he isn’t. He’s Bruce. Bryce is the girl.

“Then you’ve got the perkiest set of fun bags I’ve ever seen on a man.” Tony smirks and his tone is so dismissive that Bruce sees red.

He goes from pissed off to seething in a manner of seconds and buries his elbow into Tony’s rib in a sharp jab. Tony doubles over wincing and trying to catch his breath, Bruce bites down hard into the meat of his lower lip and the biting pain keeps him from doing something stupid. Like taking the soft dangling flesh of Tony’s earlobe between his teeth and ripping it off.

“Okay, fine! Jesus, you’re not a girl.” Tony groans leaning back and resting his head on the edge of the old car seat.

“I am sometimes.” Bruce mumbles softly watching what they can see of Tony’s jawline through their lashes. Once again they are struck by the realization that despite their violent outburst Tony isn’t going anywhere. “Just not right now.”

Tony cradles his side and is quiet for a long moment before he lifts his head up to look down at Bruce and into their eyes. “Okay.” He says simply but its more than enough. The recognition that he’s giving them lights a fire in the empty spaces of Bruce’s bones.

“Just use your words next time, y’know, instead of trying to shatter my fucking ribs.”

Bruce only nods in response.

\---

That night Bryce lies in bed staring up at the ceiling and replays the events of the day in her head. The movie itself had been mediocre however the science behind the unlikely stunts had been pretty sound and later –when Tony had asked if he should take her home or just keep driving—Bryce had led him to the junkyard and they’d spent hours discussing it. Then when the conversation lagged, violent confrontations and thoughts aside, they had spent the rest of the time in companionable silence listening to music.

It was fun.

Bryce had had fun.

She’s not really sure what to do with this startling new development.

She thinks maybe she should text him and spends entirely too much time trying to come up with the perfect thing to say. It’s embarrassing really. Bryce would have just asked Jennifer if the thought hadn’t also come along with a hot wave of shame.

She finally settles on _‘Hey’_ after forty solid minutes of deliberation and immediately regrets it the moment she hits send. She wants to take it back so bad that when she can’t she smashes her fist against her headboard so hard the thin layer of skin over her knuckle splits.

The pain offers a clarity Bryce knows isn’t healthy, but she can’t deny the results. Somewhere out there Bryce can almost hear Coulson screaming softly in the distance.

_‘Do thine eyes deceive me?’_ —Tony

The relief Bryce feels at Tony’s reply is instant and all consuming. It robs the breath from her lungs and she can’t help the smile that splits her face in half.

_‘Thine actually means your in old English. I’m p sure you meant mín.’_ —Bryce

_‘You can’t correct my grammar and then say p sure.’—_ Tony

_‘Technically I didn’t actually say anything.’—_ Bryce

_‘Is this why you texted me, to argue semantics?’—_ Tony

_‘No.’—_ Bryce

_‘I had a not terrible time with you today, Tony.’—_ Bryce

It says a lot about Bryce that just admitting this scares her as much as it does. Bryce very purposefully lives her life in such a way that she has very little to lose, because she learned from a very young age that if something could be taken away from her it would be. And it would hurt. The only way not to lose anything was by not having anything to lose in the first place.

_‘Did admitting that actually physically hurt you?’_ —Tony

‘ _Yes. Yes, it did_.’—Bryce

Bryce falls asleep before Tony has a chance to reply. That night she dreams of her mother’s corpse singing her a lullaby. It shouldn’t feel as peaceful as it does.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll post the next chapter sometime next week. Unbeta'ed all mistakes are my own. @viktorcreed on tumblr.
> 
> Next time...
> 
> Bruce goes to group counseling with fellow classmates Natasha and Clint.


End file.
